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TOPIC: Complications

Complications 3 weeks 6 days ago #31944

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A friend of mine who traveled a really crappy road with me 20 years ago is now taking 90 milligrams of methadone a day. He had worked his way down to 15 milligrams a couple of years ago but was kicked out of his methadone clinic because he had a legitimate prescription for benzos. For whatever reason he increased his dosage back to 90. He has been as high as 120-130s. We had first planned to try and transition him to kratom, but the other night he told me that he had plenty of methadone now. He doesn't mind being on methadone, living in the projects, drinking every day, etc. I don't think there is any hope for him to ever recover at this point. He never went to rehab, while I spent a year in treatment and halfway houses almost 2 decades ago. Sometimes he acts like he has true emotional insight into his problems, and at other times it's like he has absolutely no *#@%! idea what's going to happen to him fairly soon, or where he really is in life. He's going to develop varices in his throat and colon and bleed out of every orifice. His mother is about to die from alcoholism and he will be left with nothing but his brother who has threatened to kill him if it just so happens that he turns out to be a robot.

Everyone I grew up with seems like an idiot to me sometimes. I used to have a large heart. I also used to pretend that everyone died a long time ago. In a sense they did. Everything we really cared about is a joke now. A nightmare of a clown drinking dark liquid that turns into gold tinged prayers inside him, and on his lips for brief moments. Prayers for everyone in the world. He mostly just sits there thanking anyone that buys him a drink or drinks with him, but sometimes he'll get up and start talking about how he likes the little girls he knew in high school. He looks like a kid, and much older than his actual age at the same time. The idealism never gets a chance to age like a fine wine. It's consumed as soon as possible and fed into a cage of memory. It was just yesterday when everything happened.

I'm as cold and distant from myself as the dust on Mars. He told me that he didn't want me to get too involved with kratom. When I have done the research, recommended this forum to him, bought him samples when he was considering asking someone he met on the street to get him a kilo from Indonesia, and am still successful at an extremely hard job that requires a master's degree and am actually doing better than I ever have. He thinks I know absolutely nothing because I'm not on the street anymore, and I'm angry that he never tried to get clean. He didn't come with me, and he will most likely never get better.

He was never in physical pain while I've been in pain all of my life. He asked me if I was smoking enough weed. While I wish I could smoke marijuana on a regular basis and still function, I cannot work while intoxicated on it, and it doesn't relieve the pain. Sometimes it makes me stretch for hours because it increases it. I can't remember what it was like to be where he is, and no one but my wife knows how hard I've had to work, how much I've had to forget, to build a new life. In a lot of ways it sucks because I don't really feel like I know who I was before I got clean anymore. I used to remember, but after going through medical treatments and almost dying from liver and kidney failure I am a different person.

Anyway. I hope that he does not, in fact, turn out to be a robot. How low of a dose of methadone does someone have to be on to transition to kratom?
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Complications 3 weeks 6 days ago #31958

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Sorry to hear this, Windy.

It doesn’t matter in this case. Kratom is complicated and requires “the gift of desperation” to get well before you bother worrying about the weaning off methadone that your friend is not doing.

I’ll pray extra for your friend. I also get MAD at my loved ones that choose mental illness and drug abuse. But we cannot fix their thinking.

Doing what you can to continue making YOUR LIFE safe and healthy is probably the best thing you can do. Sometimes setting an example says much more than words.

Not everyone can be saved. Even those we love. My baby sister has been gone for 9 years now, for example.
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Laurie
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Complications 3 weeks 5 days ago #31974

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Thank you Laurie. The gift of desperation is a great way to put it. It is true everyone has to do it for themselves. I think he has lost perspective on what a healthy lifestyle is. I guess anyone would if they've been on heroin or methadone for 20 years. I've set an example that makes him feel bad. That's the last thing I'd want to do, but I think that's why he's pushing back.

I kind of want to try and say some things that might hurt, but that need to be said, and leave it at that.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I've lost a few good friends along the way. Some of the things are so terrible I don't know if I've even started to process them sometimes. This guy is like a brother to me. He is the only person that I think I'll ever get really close to besides my wife. People that aren't addicts don't seem to understand certain things. I think it has to do with experiencing a more tangible form of God or enlightenment, and then the drug(s) take the place of God, and love, and everything that is truly good. When you come out of the other side your perspective is very different. I will put myself first, but I think I'm going to start arguing with him more often. I'd feel bad if I didn't. Thank you for the prayers. Prayers to you and your family. <3
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Complications 3 weeks 5 days ago #31979

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I am pretty sure there are people on this forum who have successfuly stopped high doses of methadone with kratom. I certainly know that there are some here who have stopped high doses of oxycodone quite sucessfully.
There have also been people on this forum who were not successful in transitioning to Kratom.

My own sense would be that the dose of motivation is what matters not the dose of methadone.
Once the motivation is present then support and proper resources will be very helpful...that is where Kratom and this forum come in.

Even with kratom you still have to WANT to do it.

There is nothing you can "take" that will cure addiction, it has to come from inside you. Kratom can help immensely with the chemical dependency, but not the addiction.

I am surprised at the number of addicts who come here and tell the same story over and over...it goes something like this..


I use to take XXX amount of _______fill in the blank_____every day. I was really far gone and did not think there was any hope for me. But I decided I DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT ANYMORE.

Then the story about how they used kratom to help usually ensues. And finally there is a statment about how much easier it was than what the person expected.



So there are lots of different stories, but the main thing they all have in common is what I wrote in all red caps.

AND THAT is where the story has to start.

Windyanimal, your friend is not ready to start his own story yet.
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BEV

#humboldtstrong
#torontostrong

Complications 3 weeks 5 days ago #31985

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Right on.

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