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TOPIC: State about to take my babies to no fault of my own... read this mess

State about to take my babies to no fault of my own... read this mess 3 months 2 weeks ago #34429

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Hey guys. My wife and I have taken in our niece and nephew and they've lived quoth its gone almost 2 years now. They are now 3 and 4 so yeah we've had them a long time given their ages. After getting them be became state foster parent to give them the best care we could. My parent stepped in and got their older 3 siblings because the family defaulted on the case plan about 6 months in. So we have the youngest two and my folks have the oldest three. They all have psychological issues and therapy weekly. The department is preparing to remove them from our homes in order to place them all together in one home. The maternal grandmothers home. She did raise the oldest boys, twins now age 10. She had the middle girl several years now age 8 but she's never had the youngest two at all. She's 60 and she had a real tough time raising the younger 3 prior to this so we know this will be a terrible situation for the kids. Who at 60 can handle 5 children all under age 11? Everything will be an enormous feat. She refuses to admit she may have a difficult time with anything at all simply because "I'm their grandmother". Now, the therapist for the 3 oldest kids and the therapist for the younger kids both disagree with the dept putting these children in the same home given their issues. The 10 yo boys can actually be a physical threat to those around them due to severe anger and psychological issues that were gutted what... caused by trauma... where?... in the household of their grandmother.

We have obtained an attorney and are coming out swinging to help these smaller children from going to a home with the siblings they've never lived with and a woman who can't care for them all even in a perfect world. I just need some encouragement because my wife and I are 32, no kids and can certainly care for these kids. We are legit family to one of them and we're in their lives before this happened. I just cannot believe the dept is so strong to disrupt the children's lives just to see if grandma can do it solely out of the desire to place all siblings together.

There is something called a sibling waiver that can be signed and this would release the dept from the requirement of planning the kids together. This is a great example of a case where a waiver could be used. Even the guardian Ad Litem (kids attorney) said that in November.

It's just insane for them to think she can handle it and or won't be detrimental to these children. Hell she lives alone and has no support network. All her kids are drug users ans have lost their children to the state even.
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State about to take my babies to no fault of my own... read this mess 3 months 2 weeks ago #34430

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Holy sheet, music, KRA KRA! What a story! I’m 55 and cannot imagine trying to raise kids, but I was incapable of that from Day One. Some people think they will find the love THEY NEED by raising kids despite the odds stacked against them. Sounds like the hardest job of your lives no matter what happens.

I admire you and your wife even for TRYING to do the right thing.

Hopefully you will be guided by angels to help the very best possible way you can to save the 2 small ones needing your safe haven. I’ll pray that happens for their sakes. ?

Good luck and keep us updated on how y’all are doing.

Thanks for venting here. Quite a riveting story but it’s not a “story” at all!
Laurie
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State about to take my babies to no fault of my own... read this mess 3 months 2 weeks ago #34431

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Wow kra kra , that’s heart wrenching, frustrating and scary!
I’m so sorry the children, you and your partner are having to go through this, I have lots of respect for what you are doing and definitely don’t envy the given circumstances,

Stay strong, keep providing the consistency of love and support these kids need so badly right now , hope for the best and be prepared to deal with the faulty system..

No, does not make sense for a 60 year old with no support network to take on all her grandchildren, though I can empathize for her wanting to, still seems like neglect would be a prevalent aspect as I can verify as a 37 year old father of 4, it’s nearly impossible to meet all the needs all the time and the children you are caring for need lots of help and extra care, something that would be tremendously difficult for anyone any age, perhaps especially when one is 60 years old , no offense meant to anyone ...it’s just tough for younger folks and bet it’s a bit more challenging when you start reaching into the golden years

But I’m a optimist and if you can win this issue with custody perhaps allowing the grandmother to have a active part in their lives as well as having time with there siblings (if it’s healthy and she’s fit) everyone would in essence be a winner in this..

I have no experience in dealing with this dynamic and don’t have solid advice to draw from, I can tell you that these children are extremely lucky to have the loving and Caring folks that you are and as much as possible keep the children’s best interest at the top of the list, consistency with a schedule/regimen they can rely on,

If they can no longer can reside with you, I hope you are still allowed to be in there lives to support and love them if that’s what is in your hearts to do

Breathe and move forward doing what you can , hope it all works out for the children and for you and your partner, raising kids is the hardest job, but so rewarding and worth it

It takes a village , outlets and networking with other families/!friends to help and encourage is worth its weight, but not always there, stay strong and be peaceful warriors, sounds like that’s already what you folks are doing :)


Good luck ,
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State about to take my babies to no fault of my own... read this mess 3 months 2 weeks ago #34433

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Thanks all.

The craziest part is she even told me several times that she had zero intention of pulling them away from us because she knew we could care for them better, were younger, loved then dearly and that the kids loved us. I have it recorded actually. No one seems to care that she said that Anf are overlooking it. She even had all 5 of them before for just 4 days and she called us and begged us to take the babies because she could not handle them all. "I can live them but I can't take care of them". We brought this up as well and they just got into us and said "hope dare you say that" when my wife said "you never wanted the babies, you couldn't handle it." She wouldn't even say it could be challenging when my dad spoke up and said with all due respect ma'am it's going to be difficult and challenging. The arrogance just puts the children in danger in my opinion. The now 10 year old twins could not read at ages 8 when they came into care. They didn't know their birthdate either. She raised them from the beginning, whos fault is that? She used to punish the boys by cross dressing them and locking them out of the house. Also she made them pick briers then whipped them until they bled. Heck one of them punched her in the face during an arguement because he couldn't get his way... at age 8. Does anyone think it's a good idea to add 2 toddlers to the mix who get into things and cause trouble? They will be hit and screamed at constantly just for being kids. Im not okay with that. The twins 10yo boys have severe psychological issues, anger problems And one of them Explodes when angry and doesnt remember what he did while throwing his 2yo tantrum.. yeah he's 10.

She raised and created that and the department is trying to give those back, their 8yo sister who they are extremely hateful and ugly to, plus 2 little ones. Just on the surface it's very clear that she couldn't possibly even give them all enough attention. Several of them will go without the love, Attention and affection they need. Katie,our 4 to, has been evaluated before and the psych said he thinks she has RAD which will resurface if they go to that home and she stops getting all the positive attention we give her not to mention we have her in counseling when the family doesn't agree with because they said she rad normal. She couldn't speak at age 2.5 and had awful separation anxiety issues. So did her 13 month brother who is not 3. Yeah let's take two children who see us as their Mommy and Daddy from the safe and secure, HEALTHY environment that they've finally adjusted to. It's pure lunacy. Tomorrow is court and I'm ready. It's just a case review so i'm not concerned and my lawyer is preparing to derail this fuck train coming later in the week so they better watch out. If the judge did refuse to allow us to intervene at least she will have all the truth in front of her. If she chose to allow this after reading all the material she is about to read then I guess there's not much I can do.
Btw
We don't keep them from the grandmother at all. She just never asked to see them until 10 months after her last visit and we had a meeting where itd look good on her for asking. So we started visiting. The kids have almost no attachment but I would nurture that for these children if it remained healthy. They currently see their siblings almost daily and we live on the same piece of property as my folks who keep the older 3. They will keep seeing their siblings no matter what. Ive made that commitment although she plans to move to Alabama after she gets the kids back so I'm not driving to another state to let them see someone they don't really care about. If she wants to see them then she can travel to us like she travels back n forth 7 hours every other week because "that's her home".
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State about to take my babies to no fault of my own... read this mess 3 months 2 weeks ago #34434

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Laurie wrote: Holy sheet, music, KRA KRA! What a story! I’m 55 and cannot imagine trying to raise kids, but I was incapable of that from Day One. Some people think they will find the love THEY NEED by raising kids despite the odds stacked against them. Sounds like the hardest job of your lives no matter what happens.

I admire you and your wife even for TRYING to do the right thing.

Hopefully you will be guided by angels to help the very best possible way you can to save the 2 small ones needing your safe haven. I’ll pray that happens for their sakes. ?

Good luck and keep us updated on how y’all are doing.

Thanks for venting here. Quite a riveting story but it’s not a “story” at all!


My wife and I can't have our own either. I made a promise to my shitty brother in law that when the shit hit the fan that I would care for his children. Well the drugs ran out and he got arrested, the mom ran off and left the kids there alone with a high stranger. No electricity ants no running water for a whole 24 hours, left at like 1pm and didn't come back until the next evening... so we stepped in. We've pretty much had them since once dfcs started actually listening to us.
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State about to take my babies to no fault of my own... read this mess 3 months 2 weeks ago #34437

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Hate to even think this but is this happening solely because of some keeping the siblings together initiative or does grandmom want the 2 extra checks(she put this in motion). These situations considering the worst in people is usually the truth.

I am really sorry you and your wife have to go through this.
I hope your lawyer can make sense of this and it works out in your and the children's favor.
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State about to take my babies to no fault of my own... read this mess 3 months 2 weeks ago #34464

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For each of the last two weekends I had grandchildren staying with us (I have two sets).

I would not want to have to raise children at my advanced age - 68 yrs.HA! BUT if anything happened to their parents I would definitely step in to take them if that is what was needed....thankfully it is not.

Kudos to their grandmother for taking on the challenge, BUT what is best for the children is always a difficult thing to decide.

I believe that there are two things that children need:

1. they need to feel wanted
2. The need stability, not chaos

It sounds like staying with you would meet both those criteria for the little ones.

Good for you for trying....I hope you get the support you need.
BEV

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State about to take my babies to no fault of my own... read this mess 3 months 2 weeks ago #34470

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Here's an update for everyone.

We had court Monday. When it came time for our case to be heard the lawyer for the department spoke up and stated that the Mother of these children, who the department is no longer working with, now has an attorney and they wanted to continue the case until a date in the near future. This is okay because now all the dirt will be dug up on them and how they treated these children prior. We have plenty of information on that. Plus our attorney, the children's attorney (Guardian Ad Litem) and both the 3 older Children's therapist and the Counselor of the younger 2 ALL agree that they should not be placed all together in one home and think the little ones should stay where they are with us.

They got a big fight on their hands and we will not go down without a battle for these innocent little ones.
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State about to take my babies to no fault of my own... read this mess 3 months 3 days ago #34819

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Great krakra!!

Looks like if the system does what it’s meant to do, you’ll be the guardians for the toddlers... sounds like you have the right angle with what’s best for the kiddos ... my hats off to you , they will draw upon thisblater in life when they begin to ask the questions and will know that you were there for them, fought for their best interests

Much respect
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