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TOPIC: Hello!! New here!! I think I need some help

Hello!! New here!! I think I need some help 3 days 10 hours ago #17330

  • Laurie
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Good morning, BoMalley, kratom friends,
This is just for BoMalley, but no need to go PM.
I found your words important enough to fall asleep and now wake for the Meeting Challenge #1 for the day, still stalled on your last comment. How I can control my brain's perception of pain.
I've never thought of it that way (I was in a coma/marriage - expression, not an actual coma! - and have been learning a lot in the 4 years since the divorce. You're obviously on to something I need to know about. I hate to ask, "what book do I need to read now?" but, I noticed I woke up in the same pain I woke up with in November 2015 - this morning! I instantly thought, "what have I done to erase over a year of serious physical and emotional exercise and stress managing? My therapist thinks I may need to ACCEPT that I can not earn more than $426 per month. I'm going broke trying to accept it. Going broke spending it. And I blame myself, "I could have stayed in the marriage with more financial security (not until he dies. I was on a $40/wk allowance for 10 of those years after losing my job to the invention of the internet, but I pay my own insurance and stuff now, too.
Any suggestions you might add to help me accept this pain and perceive LESS of it would be great. Self care is obvious, but it doesn't prove helpful. In the sense that my pain is unchanged from a year of disability and self care ONLY (I got the same income and do only FREE exercise and stretching in the home or nature, depending on weather. Please feel free to toss ideas at me. I'm looking at that Aleve device with a bit of dread at trying to maintain something like that while in the home while I care for my Mom, honestly. One size never fits all. I've got all the kratom I may ever get ....:( thx
Laurie
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Hello!! New here!! I think I need some help 2 days 5 hours ago #17365

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Using holistic therapies to improve your health is a multi-layered approach. BUT if you want to specifically work on your brain I would suggest getting yourself into a meditation group. Learning how to calm your brain is one approach but there are many others. Yoga is one way to calm the brain through physical activity and centering techniques. It has the added benefit of adding strength and flexibility to your physical body while calming the brain.

Working through emotional traumas so that they can stop controlling you is possible through many types of therapies such as hypnosis, Reiki, rebirthing, breathwork (also done in Yoga) and many others. You also mentioned prayer in your post (I am assuming Christian) perhaps there is a chaplain trained in therapeutic approaches for healing emotional traumas that could help you?

Perhaps a good starting point, if your funds are low, is to go to the local library and look for self help books in healing emotional traumas. Some of them you will like...others you will hate. You will know which ones are right for you by how you react to them.

Physical therapies must also accompany emotional approaches. You are not making this up, something is wrong. You need to address the physical causes too. They all work together... EVERYTHING you do to become a healthier you will help. (more on that later if you wish).

BTW...I was the major caretaker for both my elderly parents who lived in my basement suite for over 15 years. After my dad died my Mom went to assisted living but I am still the major caretaker for her. This activity also adds to your emotional stresses. In order to look after yourself you will need to make sure that you get time away from caretaking your mother and spend some time on yourself. Even if it is only for short periods everyday - is that possible .. to have time alone? As an interesting side note to this story my back pain episodes started about 6 months AFTER my dad died. Within one year I was unable to continue working. Sometimes our bodies express the sense of being burdened through musculoskeletal manifestations. It does not mean you should not do it...just that you have to learn how to take care of yourself as well as others.

PS I am assuming it is back pain? correct me if I am wrong.
BEV
"Everybody is talking about pain killers, but nobody is talking about pain."
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Hello!! New here!! I think I need some help 2 days 4 hours ago #17373

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BoMalley,
Hello, and thank you for writing these suggestions. I respect the energy it takes to write it all down. Yes, it's my back. It "STOPPED" in Nov 2015. I've been in physical therapy since. Now primarily the glutes (mostly left, but not always) and pins and needles to toes. Plus Raynaud's in hands and feet. I've asked my Dr to have me tested for possible blood circulation issues in other areas of my body, like the muscles in my back and legs. She's arranged for these tests, bless her heart.
I had to fire my therapist when she suggested I forego AA & NA and get a volunteer JOB instead ("too much negativity in those meetings, nothing against them!" (I disagree on multiple levels). If I could do a volunteer JOB, I would do a better small paying job (I am doing one which pays $150 per month and costs about $150 per month just in gas and - negativity - ironically). It helped to be helping others who suffer, but that's becoming to not be healthy - I'll have to cease these duties (and that tiny income) soon, I think. I'm hoping I've outgrown the need to be saving others and can learn to focus on myself more.
I noticed my back STOPPED the day my last government subsidized client went to hospital to die. I was glad I never had to tell her I can no longer work for her. She was too depressed and her body agreed with her brain to give up. I loved her AND her poor dog, who also suffered depression in that environment. He's been rehomed and is doing better.
The negative energy IS clear to me (it's hard to avoid), so I'm doing more self care, and I DID go to the library for self-help books. One is so profound that I bought it. Some had great potential and terrible authoring - like you said :)
Sounds like you also have this ailment. My only last question is, does yours have a name? I feel like sciatica is a name for ONE part of it. A name is not necessary, but I would feel better knowing I have validity in my self with a "label" besides "addict/alcoholic"! Sometimes my pain is like an intuition LOUD message about the people around me. I've had to let other people I care about go - it is too physically painful to be near them. Email ONLY. Accepting my invisible disability, without support financially, has brought me INNER RAGE that needs to be put to rest (I know it matters not. I recognize it still pisses me off), tho. Ha! The clients I help (I am very choosy about my commitments, so I only promise I can do WHAT I CAN DO) are wonderful, flawed people who earn substantial government subsidies (including my services), that I do not qualify for, even temporarily. That is hard to swallow. Our government essentially rewards those who complain louder and pass mental illness on to children, I guess (that pisses me off. I need to let that GO). I did not have children, so I am not rewarded for staying in bed while the help (me) comes to the rescue to get the kids to school, run to Taco Bell, 7-11 for cigarettes and other things that I manage with physical and emotional pain. Once I learn to truly accept myself AND this warped system in which we live, I think my pain will lessen. Doing that acceptance is CHALLENGING. It's GOT to be genuine to be effectively helpful for ME. Watching my primary person (Mom) self-harm for zillions of valid and FEAR reasons, some of which will never be said out loud and will die with her, daily, is not healthy for me. Sometimes I buckle suddenly while trying to just make a simple sandwich for us. So I've had to put rules of minimal interaction with my Mom, and I feel guilty as hello about that. By joining NA and AA, it feels like I've joined a church or a cult, but it doesn't HURT me, so I'm sticking with that (it's a small town, so that was a big decision for as long as I live here, AT LEAST). That was where I found a higher power to pray to. Although I prayed in my head for other people since I can remember, I just did. No body showed me how or why, it was instinctual to care MORE about other people. You are plagued with this character "flaw" as well, no? I think things will be fine on this path as long as I stop to see the beauty in nature (when I can walk. I can walk for OTHER people. Anxiety makes it quite impossible sometimes to walk for myself, but I'm getting better at it).
I hope you find kratom as helpful as I have. It's been a wonderful tool for managing my depression and SOME of my physical discomfort. I believe I wanted ENERGY to DO MORE FOR OTHERS, so I have Way Too Much white vein kratom that added to my anxiety, too. Using the red veins and the greens (or some of each) seem to keep a better mental state going, but I still have no PATIENCE for THIS. LOL
I'll keep you posted on my new (2nd year now) journey of finding peace WITHIN. I actually had FUN after 8PM while in terrible pain last night. I never allow myself the energy to rest or have fun. If my legs move and I'm home, I'll sweep (ACK!!), vacuum (ACK!!), do laundry (ACK!!) and other things that otherwise don't get done. Showers have been my only free time, and I get pain in the shower now because my mother fears she'll need privacy when I'm showering. She hasn't in 4 yrs, but I did more harm to myself by showering at 0430 to be sure Mom won't need privacy. That only recently has gotten better.
Maybe I'll still love MYSELF when I'm 64! LOL
Thank you and best wishes on your kratom journey. I've never regretted it, except for anxiety filled powder spills (vacuum again! ACK!!)
Hugs,
Laurie
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Hello!! New here!! I think I need some help 2 days 3 hours ago #17374

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PS: Any time you have more input, yes, I do wish to hear if you are up to sharing. Some of the discoveries along the way are wonderful and make me smile. I am bursting with what I learned, but have nobody to tell (I get home to Mom as often as possible for her safety and comfort, but I can't share much of my happiness with her, when I've found something wonderful. It really ruins her "mood" and I'm very aware it also can hurt her feelings, and she's hurting quite enough already. Isn't everyone!?
Your insight has helped ALREADY. Partly by being heard. Even if you haven't read any of this! Your other insights and suggestions are entirely welcome. Go easy with the white vein. It is less expensive than a Starbucks habit (cup half full) <----advice I thought might help save you some time with kratom experimenting. I'm no expert, but I do know where to read what experts have written about kratom's benefits and everything about this botanical gift from earth/nature/higher power of your choice. I definitely recommend the written material HERE in the BLOG area of the website (not in the forum), in addition to forum exchanges. For educational material on kratom, it's right HERE under our noses. BLOGS. They are dated articles, but the plant is the plant is the plant, and they are FREE to READ and learn all about kratom. I started there. And then here.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie
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Hello!! New here!! I think I need some help 1 day 21 hours ago #17378

  • bomalley
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I completely forgot to link you to Emotional Freedom Tapping. It is a simple technique that can be learned by anyone and there is lots of info on the internet. I used it when cannabis use (for chronic pain) plunged me into a very deep depression (diagnosed by a psychiatrist). I had to repeat the tapping and affirmation sessions more than ten times to get to the point where I could stop crying long enough to leave the house. It took about 30 minutes.... I was pretty amazed.

Worth a try!
BEV
"Everybody is talking about pain killers, but nobody is talking about pain."
Last Edit: 1 day 21 hours ago by bomalley.
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Hello!! New here!! I think I need some help 1 day 20 hours ago #17380

  • Laurie
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Super cool! I tried medical marijuana as prescribed by the state temporary disability verification Dr I saw two yrs ago. All it did was make me learn to eat ice cream and cookies nonstop. Thanks God (plural intended, a reminder of a Brazilian friend's English with Portuguese accent) you discontinued that medical marijuana post haste. My last therapy session highly recommended it. Of course.
Waving <buh bye> and thanks to her. I guess I've outgrown another one. Ho hum. You see my posts! Pray for my former therapist. She earned very little for what was done! It was not all for not! Just all for not any more.
Thank you for the link. Perfect!
Laurie
Last Edit: 1 day 20 hours ago by Laurie.
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Hello!! New here!! I think I need some help 1 hour 5 minutes ago #17415

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Marijuana never did a single thing for me except reduce my IQ by about 50 points and remove all motivation to do anything. Also worsened an escalating depression. Thankfully my homeopathic physician made a very precise prescription that turned that around in under 24 hours...I know it sounds unbelievable but I lived it so I know it is true... the homeopathic remedy cured depression (diagnosed by a psychiatrist) in under 24 hours.

The second time I tried cannabis (again on my physician's advice) I had such a terrible allergic reaction (lots of swelling, redness, and itching) that I was stoned on massive doses of Antihistamines for 4 days. I NEVER noticed any pain relief or even psychotropic effects from using Cannabis.

My own experience has proven that Cannabis is probably safer than alcohol, and our federal government is getting ready to regulate it by July 2018. I say regulate and tax it...get organized crime out of the game!

Kratom has done more for me that Marijuana ever did. It is perfectly legal and I do not have to jump through any regulatory hoops to get it.

I think I will stick with what works...So far I am having another productive day! Still exploring the Red Maeng Da and Red Borneo and will post more details about that later in a new topic post.
BEV
"Everybody is talking about pain killers, but nobody is talking about pain."
Last Edit: 1 hour ago by bomalley.
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