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My mom has dementia but with an asterisk - Page 3 - Kratom Community Forum - Kratom Forum
09 Mar 2020
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TOPIC: My mom has dementia but with an asterisk

My mom has dementia but with an asterisk 6 months 2 weeks ago #45608

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Michelle not crass at all. We have been saying its okay to her.

She has always been very much a loner and even though Mom and Dad barely spent a day apart she had her allotment of alone time when he was at work. When he retired she would call me and say Nancy, I tried to go grocery shopping to get some time alone and he wants to go with me, nooooo. In times like these we are joking if she was aware she would diffidently go for alone time. He is by her side almost 24/7.

I need space, I want space, for my morning and my Dad has been pushing my buttons, I have been trying to redirect him to focus an outlet on his grand kids. I am the baby, mom's favorite child, he is reading my distance as something more. I'm as good as I can be with the situation.
The focus is going to be shifted, while funeral is arranged, to anxiety over family baggage, my husband seems to think funerals are no place for that baggage to come up, he is also not born here(actually also my brother-in-law), silly of him he's been a citizen for enough decades and I guess he hasn't watched enough movies. But he did admit to certain er, idiosyncrasies, of my family.

A side note do they ever let you off the hook for Jury duty, they don't have a cut off age? Hug your moms for me.
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My mom has dementia but with an asterisk 6 months 2 weeks ago #45601

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Wow, the robe and slippers sounds like good planning!

You’ve been on my mind a lot lately as your presence has been understandably elsewhere.

Your report is appreciated and hopefully you have felt our hugs of support these days. I felt as though you knew we love you and wish the process is as kind as it possibly can be for everyone.

Spent ALL DAY with Mom (just got jury duty!) at the courthouse and it certainly wasn’t lost on me, enjoying every moment while she’s got perfect cognition. Your plight was on my mind.

She was not selected, but we spent 6 hours at the courthouse before the jury was fully selected with alternates.

Oddly, Mom held up better than I did. Mom said, “I think you’re more impaired than I am!” and I was touched by her kind understanding while very matter of fact.

Robes and slippers are on the agenda immediately

xoxo
Laurie
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My mom has dementia but with an asterisk 6 months 2 weeks ago #45597

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wow nan,

im speechless. wasn't expecting these turn of events so fast. he must be beside himself. and lost. im sure you 'kids' are around often. at least you will all do and know her wishes. at least that's a plus no matter how grim. the fear of 'not doing the right thing' is super stressful and none of you need that burden.

this may sound crazy. im not trying to be crass in your difficult time, truly. I hope you know that. maybe someone needs to tell her its ok to let go and you love her. if you haven't already. in your own way. and from how you talk about dad im not sure if he has the heart to do that.

my grandmother in law was in dire straits before she passed. once we told her it was ok to let go it happened fairly quick. maybe coincidence but ive seen it a few times with family. they are so worried about leaving us.

I know she might not even respond. or seem like she hears you at all. but the mind/ body connection work in ways no one can ever truly explain.

robe and slippers. my kind of lady. never mind these stuffy dresses you never wear! it might be how you remember her best.

its tough no matter what but I hope this difficult time is as painless as possible. we are here for you big ((hugs))
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My mom has dementia but with an asterisk 6 months 2 weeks ago #45593

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My father accepted its her wishes to pass. Mom is in hospice care and has been in the dying process. She is not aware of anything and has remained consistently unconscious for the last 3 days. We are in the funeral planning phase. The body is holding on stubbornly its very surreal I know she would pass quicker if she was able to function mentally. I believe when you have the will you can allow yourself to die. We are able to make jokes, have anxiety, be tense, all normal. Its not going to be a shock and we all had the time for acceptance.

The woman wants to be buried in a robe and slippers, gotta love her motivation to be comfortable
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My mom has dementia but with an asterisk 6 months 3 weeks ago #45399

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Nan70 wrote: Dad is having a hard time. He knows her wishes are not to live like this. He keeps wanting a sign from her, her mental state is just not up for that, her mental state is failing she is not capable of speaking her wishes or even have that awareness.
She has a living will which is a generic DNR type statement, he wanted me to read in to it.
He will has his own grieving process its very hard to help him out right now. He will get his strength soon.
He met with the team of doctors yesterday but its confusing what the plan is, there is still medications going forward, nothing I am too optimistic about.

Robie, Laurie, Michele, Brandon,Don, Bev and anyone else I missed >:D >:D

Special thanks to Jayisk- His story is the reason I am keeping everything together. its been my reason for strength


I can understand your dad having a hard time with a DNR. My wife and I both have DNR's in place but I would also have a very hard time if I was in the same situation as your dad.

When you have been with someone for most of your life, as your dad and mom have been, it would be like losing a part of yourself when they are gone. I am selfish, I pray all the time that when it is her time to pass that I go at the same moment. I don't think I could live without her. :(

My heart aches and I am close to tears just thinking about being in that situation.

Give him as many hugs as you can. I'm sure he needs it. >:D >:D >:D

Don
My Grandkids say I’m a cuckoo head. ;)
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My mom has dementia but with an asterisk 6 months 3 weeks ago #45394

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Thank you both for sharing your truth with us (we love you). I especially appreciate the reminders as to how lucky I am to have a Mom as healthy as I do.

I absolutely find comfort in knowing you’ll be there for me when my turn comes.

I cry for both of you and for the genuine caring for one another found here - a magical place thanks to y’all-this entire tribe.

Great advice, Jayisk. I’m glad you’re here.

Love you both <3
Laurie
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My mom has dementia but with an asterisk 6 months 3 weeks ago #45387

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Hey Nan70 sorry to hear that this is a nonstop roll coaster of problems. Its like a continuous nightmare. Get one thing handled and something else pops up. I know its exhausting and extremely emotionally. Try your best to take care of your own health and sanity.
I would suggest getting a real DNR or POLST form completed. I am also very big on a persons quality of life and what they would want. Luckily with my mother i was medically aware of what was going on in the ER and what her wishes were. At the point i signed the DNR it needed to be done immediately. If not they would have put her on a vent and performed unnecessary things on her. Some people dont realize that with the elderly chest compression's can break their ribs while trying to revive them.

But at this point try your best to stay optimistic as miracles do happen. All you can do is take it day by day or hr by hr. But best to have a plan if things get worse.

As i've said before life sucks and isnt fair. And stuff such as this really hurts. getting teary eyed thinking about your struggle.

Wish you the best and please take care of yourself.

As for me i am still a wreck. have a decent day of two and then either mental or medical issues pop up and kick my legs out. Honestly living hr by hr and trying to hang on for my kids.
therapy isnt helping. at least kratom helps with the anxiety.
but what i am going through doesnt mean you will go through it. everyone handles this different. and i have a life time of issues and was never really happy with life. have a very long hx of mental, medical, substance abuse so for me its more then just my moms passing.
take care!
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My mom has dementia but with an asterisk 6 months 3 weeks ago #45381

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Dad is having a hard time. He knows her wishes are not to live like this. He keeps wanting a sign from her, her mental state is just not up for that, her mental state is failing she is not capable of speaking her wishes or even have that awareness.
She has a living will which is a generic DNR type statement, he wanted me to read in to it.
He will has his own grieving process its very hard to help him out right now. He will get his strength soon.
He met with the team of doctors yesterday but its confusing what the plan is, there is still medications going forward, nothing I am too optimistic about.

Robie, Laurie, Michele, Brandon,Don, Bev and anyone else I missed >:D >:D

Special thanks to Jayisk- His story is the reason I am keeping everything together. its been my reason for strength
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My mom has dementia but with an asterisk 6 months 3 weeks ago #45377

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Good morning all!! Nan? You have my prayers. I am very familiar with that which you are going through. I will pray very much for you! You all have my prayers and I give them to you and offer them with a very well meaning heart and intent. I hope all are well and happy.

Be blessed all,

Robie
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My mom has dementia but with an asterisk 6 months 3 weeks ago #45376

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Thank you for the update, as y’all have been on our minds and hearts.

How is your dad doing with all of this?!

Hugs assumed >:D
Laurie
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